Secritcrush takes on John Scalzi’s Redshirts.
Have you ever watched a movie and thought to yourself that it would have been a funny 3 minute skit on Saturday Night Live but at two hours it was just crushing boredom? That’s pretty much the experience of reading Redshirts by John Scalzi.
Anyway, what about the treatment of the ladies? Well, you have one lady amongst the four main characters and each one is interesting in their own way. Guess which one is the lady?
You were a novitiate to an alien religion. You’re a scoundrel who’s made enemies cross the fleet. You’re the son of one of the richest men in the universe. You left your last ship after an altercation with your superior officer, and you’re sleeping with Kerensky now.
Because we ladies are only important in relation the dudes and the sexual activities we have with them. (And the usefulness these sex acts are in advancing the plot.)
I’ve been asked to read this book. I don’t read Scalzi. Nothing particular against him, he’s never struck me as someone I’d like to read. This doesn’t encourage. Oh, she has a few words for Saladin Ahmed’s Throne of the Crescent Moon (voted one of reddit’s most popular fantasy books in 2012 by the way) too.
Damn those women and their ladyparts! They ruin everything. But how can there be a sequel if the Doctor will lose his ghulhunting magic when he gets married to his hooker with a heart of gold? Wait, priests can’t get married.
Anne Rice is at it again! You’d think she would have learned. Nope.
Here is a selection of the more entertaining responses:
HOW DARE YOU EVEN COMPARE SHITTY ASS STEPHANIE MEYER TO THE QUALITY WORK THAT IS ANNE RICE HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU FUCKING HAG, I HOPE YOU GET HERPES
The review that prompted this was perfectly tame (is Anne Rice that oversensitive? Should I review one of hers and if so which? Pick me a short one), but the reviewer did put the paper copy of Rice’s book to good use.
There’s some buzz about the #killallmen hashtag and something about how it might make men feel bad and feminists should be nicer, I guess? Who the fuck cares, let’s listen to what Another Angry Woman has to say about it instead.
I remember once being at a reading group where we were discussing the SCUM Manifesto. It was a mixed group, and we had loads to chat about. If you haven’t read SCUM, I’d well recommend it, as while its conception of gender is kind of rooted in its time, there’s a very astute analysis of how patriarchy and capitalism interact to produce a system which oppresses women. There’s also some very clever satire of the thinking of the time, flipped and reversed on its head to present a biological argument as to why men are inferior. In fact, the whole thing just inverts this system in which violence against women and girls is endemic, and exaggerates the problem to its logical conclusion. It’s really a very good text, whether or not its author truly believed what she’d written.
Part of the power of SCUM is the effect it has on men. At my reading group, the men present were allies, and I remember vividly one saying “I don’t think she went far enough at the end, letting some of the men live and act as the Men’s Auxilliary”. All of the other men nodded along. They got that this idea is just fantasy, just a satire.
If you’d rather read stupidity, you can go spit on this post. Or on this whitey’s opinion which boils down to “BUT WE’RE GOING TO MAKE THE MRA AND HOMOPHOBES HATE FEMINISM EVEN MORE,” an objection we can all agree is pretty fucking worthless.
It’s Time To Face Up To The Problem Of Sexual Abuse In The White Community.
Hardly a week goes by without another white man being arrested in connection with sexual abuse.
I’m beginning to feel sorry for whites. I have many white friends and I know most of them are wholly opposed to sexual abuse. But they must be worried that their whole community is getting a bad name. I can imagine that, every day, with each unfolding case, they must be hiding their face behind their hands, pleading: “Please, God, don’t let it be a white person this time.”
The White Saviour Recreation Complex.
Before the aquatic centre will be the Lance Armstrong US Postal Service workout area. It is named in honour of Lance Armstrong for best exemplifying the “ride-it-hard-and-never-admit-you-stole-it” white attitude that makes America great. Adjacent to the weightroom will be a yoga studio where white people can contort themselves into all sorts of positions including this one where think they have a clue about yoga’s origins.
Perhaps the most spectacular part of the complex is the aquatic centre. The centre feature and Olympic length salt water pool filled entirely with white-tears. The salt water system allows for more efficient filtration of dirt particles and systemic critiques. The leftover salt from the filtration process will be recycled for applying to wounds. Perhaps the most spectacular aspect of the aquatic complex is the moral slide. This exciting water slide allows one to move from Christianizing morality to atheism through a wonderful series of convoluted twists ending at base of the same orientalist ladder where you begin.
Holy shit this fucking thing: How to fold a thong: A straight man working at Victoria’s Secret.
Desperate to regain my swagger, I decided I needed to study women, to go somewhere I could immerse myself in them. The first place that came to mind was a brothel.
After getting up the nerve to walk into the store and ask a manager for an application, I spent the next month trying to get an interview. Persistence was the key here. Talk to anyone who’s successful in the arts, business or convincing women to have anal sex, and they’ll tell you, aside from skill and plenty of lube, it boils down to one thing: persistence.
“Comfortable handling women’s undergarments,” she jotted on my application. She seemed pleased with this.
It came as a surprise, then, when I hadn’t heard anything from them almost three weeks after the interview. I began to panic. Had I done something wrong? Was I too forward about handling my mother’s panties? Should I have worn a little less purple? I couldn’t think of any glaring mistakes. The only thing it might have been was a bad review from one of my references.
Christopher Pilny, writer of this fucking thing, is apparently a “humorist.” I agree. There’s a lot of humor to be derived from skinning him alive and giving him an acid bath.