apologies and finality


This will be the last entry on this blog. You won’t be surprised.

Apologies aren’t easy to make. I’ll do my best and acknowledge that it’s not a magic word. First, I will say that I stand by the substance of most of what I’ve said on this blog. But not how I said it. I’ve gained a much better understanding of consequences and how people work, and the way I said much of what I said ignored the humanity of those on the receiving end. It’s a failure of empathy on my part. I make no excuses about this: I own up to what I said, and I own up that I conducted myself fantastically badly. I believed I was doing good and was punching up, and that my methods were perfectly fine weapons when in actuality they really weren’t. No excuses: many things in life can contribute to you conducting yourself one way or another, but generally you have your own agency.

Less broadly, I’d like to apologize to NK Jemisin, Cindy Pon and Saladin Ahmed. I can understand why they were (or are) upset. I’m not entitled to their time or forgiveness, but I wish to say, at least, that I’m sorry. I am not naming them specifically to demand their engagement. I’m naming them specifically to acknowledge my specific wrongs.

Yes, I took them apart excessively. No, I didn’t tell them to go die; no, I never contacted Pon directly. Yes, I yelled at a lot of people on LJ for liking Cindy Pon’s and NK Jemisin’s books; yes, I agree, this is pretty bad and frankly a silly thing to do. Yes, I did so to extremes in the sense of being relentless and insulting (“you illiterate fuck!” yes, “eat shit and die because your taste is shit!” no), and for this I very, very much do apologize. My behavior was inexcusable. There are far more important things than what books someone likes or doesn’t; there are greater injustices and troubles. The way I went around expressing myself around all this was ridiculous. If I ever distressed you in anyway, I’m sorry. It’s much too late and you deserve better than this.

I’m on speaking terms with some of the people who have been on the receiving end of my invective. For what it’s worth, we hashed things out a long time ago and moved on. Some of them are friends today, for which: thank you.

No, I didn’t tell anyone to get raped by dogs. Yes, a while back there was at least one person impersonating me. Probably two, actually, the first one really liked trotting out rape stuff. Those are the ones I know of.

I could talk about why I used the rhetoric I did or the source of my anger, but that’s a matter of excuses and justifications, and this is no place for that: an apology is not about the person who makes it. I was a horrendous asshole. I often assumed the worst and overreacted and jumped down people’s throats at the slightest provocation, because I thought escalating the language proved I was tougher and meaner than anyone else. If that sounds like a loser’s game, it’s because it is. If I’d met me back then today, I wouldn’t have liked me either.

And yeah, I was an asshole for years and said a lot of crap I regret, only I wasn’t big enough to own up to it and apologize then. It’s a huge accumulation of being shitty, I hurt a lot of people. I’m sorry I didn’t grow up and learn better sooner. I toned down as the years went by, but in the process of that I should have made apologies as I went along, not waited until the end. Unfair yes, shitty yes. Because I was an asshole who just didn’t want to admit she was wrong.

It’s past time for me to own up, and stop being an asshole, and stop making everything about me and my need to look meaner and tougher than everyone else.

open thread – oh come on manga that goes on forever


This has been going for a while but for fuck’s sake, Yagi.

So Claymore has always been repetitive as fuck with the battles, but for a while it looked like there was going to finally be some plot with the dragons and experiment and the overthrow of the organization etc. Fuck yeah, maybe there’ll be some progress forward instead of more power-up bullshit. But the last hundred chapters it’s back to more repetitive battles, kind of like Robert Jordan except with monster power-ups and less sexism.

Look at this shit. This shit. The same fight’s been going on for like fifty chapters. Or two hundred, who knows. Hey, how did they even convince Cassandra to attack Priscilla anyway? I don’t know. I don’t care anymore. And see, when a manga–or whatever else–just drags on and on and on and on you stop giving a fuck, unless you’re the type who’s still reading Robert Jordan’s rotting corpse or watching Jim Butcher’s asshole flex with rapt attention, in which case you deserve a stomach full of toxic shit.

Come to think of it, Ah! My Goddess is still ongoing too. I’m not sure what’s even happening, but apparently something or another is being decided in heaven by a motorbike race. No you fucking tell me. That’s a manga that started in 1988. And there’s this.

That’s Hunter x Hunter. It started in 1998. What’s happening in that panel? Fuck knows, I stopped reading ages ago. Probably during the fiftieth tournament arc. Actually it’s usually this kind of manga that goes on and on, isn’t it? Power ups. More power ups. Incoherent fight scenes. More power ups. HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THAT NEW POWER UP THAT’S COMPLETELY UNPRECEDENTED AS THE PROTAGONIST PULLS A WHOLE NEW ONE OUT OF THE AUTHOR’S ASS.

Why the fuck do people do that? Why do people read it? I’m very angry about this.

RED RIVER – Shinohara Chie strikes again


Red River is about a fifteen-year-old Japanese girl named Yuri Suzuki, who is magically transported to Hattusa, the capital of the Hittite Empire in Anatolia. She was summoned by Queen Nakia who means to use Yuri as a human sacrifice. Yuri’s blood is the key element needed in placing a curse upon the princes of the land so that they will perish, leaving Nakia’s son as the sole heir to the throne. As the story progress, however, Yuri not only repeatedly manages to escape Nakia’s scheming, she also becomes revered as an incarnation of the goddess Ishtar and falls in love with prince Kail.

The official summary of this manga is a filthy lie because the real plot isn’t so much any of that shit but “who will try to rape Yuri this time.”

To give you an idea, I clicked on a completely random chapter of this shit and what does it contain but attempted rape. You see, this comes up a lot. It’s almost like reading a Terry Goodkind novel (okay, it’s a lot more palatable than Goodkind) because the plot is pretty much “protagonist gets separated from one twu wuv a lot and people try to rape her.” Repeat this–fuck, however many times it is. You go on and try to keep track, I can’t be arsed.

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romance is by women for women and really feminist, okay


Hey guys, romance is by women, for women, and really feminist, remember?

1. Let’s ask the biggest question first. What about the rapes? Do you feel like the Last Hour of Gann normalizes rape? Are we supposed to see that as the actions of a heroic individual?

So…let me get this straight. Your first question requires me to defend rape? You don’t play around, do you?

She goes on to spew rape apologia for about twenty thousand words. Remember that this is the most feminist of genre, by women, for women. You know. Rape apologists, very feminist.

Meoraq does have sex with the women who are presented to him after judgments (and with at least some of the women who are sent in to bathe him) and no, not all of these women were willing and no, he didn’t think he was doing anything wrong.  […] my hero rapes women, but ultimately he understands it was wrong and when he understands it, he never tries to justify or excuse those acts. He has remorse and moreover, he has the chance to affect change, not only in his own life but in the law, and those I do say are the actions of a heroic individual.

Look, he feels sorry about it, this means he’s a hero. Heroic rapist. I swear, not even R Scott Bakker was this fucked up.

Finally, I’d just like to point out that I think it’s a hell of a thing that I’ve been called before the court about the women being raped in my books and not one person has ever remarked on all the men


So feminist. How about more feminism from romancelandia?

it’s what I call the Caregiving Alpha that does it for me every time, and heroes of that sort appear more than once in my Favorite heroes list. I like them big, bossy, and completely focused on taking care of the heroine

What the fuck is with these people and their obsession with “alpha males”? Are they part of some evo-psych cult or a confused MRA offshoot?

Hey, more feminism and some praise of a dude for not… being… a rapist?

Trig is a wonderful guy. He’s wanted Lena for years – especially after he watched her almost die on the mission – and now that she’s as healed as she’s ever going to be, by golly he’s going to do something about it. The man has laser focus and it’s all on Lena. Good thing he’s strong enough, mentally and almost physically, to hold out long past when lesser men would have caved to her sexy nightie and bed snuggling efforts.

It’s REALLY noble of a guy not to take advantage of an amnesiac woman’s dubious consent, you know? Romance readers can’t get enough of fictional guys who aren’t rapists. Well, except when they can’t get enough of fictional men who are rapists.

Not had enough feminism? How about this vaguely SJ-minded, fully illiterate “sporking” (people still use that twee fucking word?) of an Anita Blake thing.

…Mrs. Hamilton, have you literally forgotten the PREMISE of this piece?


…Okay, call me a concern troll for this. But I get abruptly worried for an author if they seem to be unable to retain the premise for a story through a several-page oneshot. Far as I’m concerned, that’s… a sign of a severe mental disturbance, whether mostly psychological or mostly biochemical.

I can mock a piece by an author in full possession of their mental faculties to my heart’s content, but even I get guilty over snarking someone who… isn’t all there.

Hey, she only calls Hamilton mentally unstable and crazy fifty times, and speculates about Hamilton’s sex life like sixty (“SHE’S BEEN PUBLIC ABOUT SOME OF IT THEREFORE TOTALLY FAIR GAME!!!”). Given Hamilton’s many problems of bigotry, this is what people want to make an issue about? Her “severe mental disturbance” because she can’t keep her plot straight?

blah blah oh right links


Hey, this is good.

When you read an x-men book today, you’re not reading it because of what is in the actual book–you’re reading it because it’s the X-men and the feeling it gives you reminds you of positive memories you have of the very best of the x-men stories.
But what I would argue is that that process is inherently destructive to an audience, and culture, and it perpetuates the worst kind of escapism, which is a non-aspirational escapism. These are not comics that take you forward to some fantastic place you could only dream about. They take you back toward the womb, they regress you.

Replace x-mens with “90% of genre media, such as SFF and YA” and same applies. Voila! You’re all fucking infants.

Male Feminists – a spotter’s guide

  • The distinctive squawk, “MISANDRY! MISANDRY!”, which the Male Feminist uses in order to intimidate women into submission during his bizarre mating ritual
  • The belief that he is owed sexual favours, gratitude or praise for basic acts such as choosing not to rape a drunk woman at a party one time, or saying that a woman could totally be President

A review of World of Shell and Bone, a shitty YA.

Ronan Wills goes after the author we all know and love.

We can talk about this book’s iffy thematic content and idiotic grimdark elements all we want, but at the end of the day the book’s biggest flaw is that it’s just dull. Characters sit around endlessly contemplating their navels for chapters at a time, frequently seguing into multi-page flashbacks mid-conversation, most of the time to give information that has already been conveyed or wasn’t necessary to begin with. Our old friend Nothing Fucking Happening rears his head throughout the book, such that by the halfway mark I was working hard to resist the urge to skim. The oppressively adolescent grittiness pushed me over the edge soon after.

Hello Scotty! R Scott Bakker I mean. Actually I’ve no idea wtf the R stands for. Ridiculous? Rapey?

Chiusse on Brandon Sanderson’s The Rithmatist.

Nine signs the journalism on Africa you’ve just encountered is trash.

You may already have accepted that those images of swollen potbellies underneath protruding ribs, those sticky flies sitting on the starving child’s eyebrows and lips, those panoramic views of refugee camps are not the be-all and end-all of Africa. Or those unclear references to Africa which suggest it’s a monolith, or even worse, a country.

ATTACK ON EREN – first season finale


Episode twenty-five and the finale of the season contains:

  1. Eren having his head smashed in (again)
  2. Eren having his leg kicked off
  3. Eren failing to defeat Annie (again)

Basically if Mikasa hadn’t stepped in, Annie would have escaped; if Levi hadn’t whirled in to cut Eren out of the titan suit, Eren would’ve been crystallized along with Annie and probably died. In conclusion? Eren, you fucking incompetent shit. Haha! Serves you right. Yes yes, this is different from the manga and the changes made fanboys froth at the mouth, but who gives a shit? 

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YAMI NO PURPLE EYE – what the fucking fuck Shinohara Chie


Rinko is an ordinary girl who was born with a mysterious birthmark on her left arm. But when that mark starts to get darker, strange accidents begin to happen everywhere around her, involving even the people she cares about. What will the powerful magic awakening inside Rinko bring her?

In 1987, Purple Eyes in the Dark was awarded the Shogakukan Manga Award for the shoujo manga category.

Oh my god what is this shit. Trigger warning for rape. Not what you think. But probably worse than you think. Haha. No bestiality at least! HIGH BARS EVERYONE, LET’S CLIMB THEM.

It’s still more interesting and better written than the vast majority of urban fantasy, though. Haha suckers.

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link on link on link


When I first saw this I went “what ass?” As far as I could tell there’s no female character presenting her rear in that picture because the default gaze is hetero male blah blah. After a minute I finally saw which ass. Can’t unsee. Look at the way the light just so happens to fall on it. That’s some ass. Some glowing ass.

By the way, go look for Guren no Yumiya parodies, hilarious yet compelling. Try listening to that stuff while doing ordinary household chores too. I tried it while making a sandwich. Buttering up toast has never been so energizing.

Game of Thrones to reach its climax in 2468

Author George RR Martin, who bought Tolkien’s middle initials for $6.8 million at a literary auction, said: “The peasants who fought in the Hundred Years War never knew how it ended. Nor will the fans of Game of Thrones.

Looks like I induced yet another rock to defend Sookie Stackhouse and Charlaine Harris. No offense. Some of my friends are rocks. I follow rocks on twitter. Probably.

The Sookie Stackhouse novels rank at about a seven on the Bubble Scale. Though the series leaves a lot to be desired with regard to feminism, it at least offers a strong female protagonist, and it scores fairly highly in other categories.

This is pretty funny because she holds feminism as distinct from anti-racism. What’s that? “My feminism will be intersectional or it will be bullshit,” as per Flavia Dzodan. (I’ve quoted that without context or attribution before, which is bad, so I’ll make a point of linking that now.) Is this woman White Feminist? That’s a parody account, FYI.

Lafayette, a black gay man with a penchant for eye makeup from the first book and every season of the True Blood show, is much beloved. So much so, in fact, that I doubted Harris’s ability to be authentic to her setting. Because I am from the backwoods in a small rural Southern town,  it was hard to understand the backwoods wait staff at Merlotte’s being very accepting of that degree of otherness… My argument that this is a fairly progressive text with regard to homosexuality hinges on the idea that no lesbian or gay man is treated as an apparition. Gay sex does not haunt heterosexual sex. Gay characters do not flicker at the edge of heterosexual existence. The characters exist in solid, well-developed forms. If the real Terry Castle stood in front of the fictional Pam and called her an apparitional lesbian, Terry Castle would wind up with a really beautiful, high end shoe to the face.  Homosexuality in Harris’s work is not set up to define heterosexuality, it simply is. All on its own.

Wow, okay, the blogger is upfront with disclosing her ethnicity but not her orientation so I dunno about that, but this reads so much like someone who’s only encountered queerness in textbooks–and outdated textbooks. Lafayette? Remember how he gets raped and murdered in the books?

Without thoroughly constructed sets of difference, the patriarchy cannot understand either its role or its superiority. I tend to think it is too literal an interpretation of the factors at work in the books to say they are racist. Rather, I think racism becomes man on monster. Perhaps because I am a pretty white girl with a dab of Choctaw and one Apache grandfather, I do not understand racism the way I think I do. It is learned knowledge, and not earned experience. However, I found interrogations of racism instead of praise for it in these books. No racism is portrayed as a positive value system. No person of color is used to uphold or define the role of the patriarchy.

This joke makes itself. “1/16 Cherokee princess” went out of fashion, I see.

So Professor Feminism Hugo Schy… Swy… Hugo Shitstain had an episode (his own word) where he appears to confess his sins, but it’s in actuality yet another scream for attention and a pity party. For context and history on Shitstain take a look here and here. FYI, Shitstain has–among other things–tried to murder one of his exes, fucked his students, raped at least one person, and talked his way into teaching feminism even though he has jack shit qualifications. Here’s hoping he chokes on his own vomit while giving interviews to MRAs. Yes, he’s doing that now. I’m serious.

Speaking of, Sarah Rees Brennan demonstrates once again that she lacks the ability to grasp nuance. Or, well, simple text. Wonder what she thinks of #solidarityisforwhitewomen? If criticizing YA is automatically misogynistic, then criticizing white women has got to be too. In bizarro dimension, you know.

But… drinking tea and reading books? I mean… what? Nothing wrong with that. Something a lot of book-reading girls can empathise with, and there’s nothing wrong with being able to find yourself between the covers of a book, and being told you’re a hero—*the* hero. Same with not liking clothes. If you don’t like clothes and you feel like the world feels you should, and you find a girl hero in the books who doesn’t and it feels like a hand has come out to take yours—great.


I do want YA to have more and different female characters, and less dismissal of ‘other girls’. But I don’t like the conflation of those desires with the dismissal of ‘all YA writers’ (all those bad ladies and the bad stupid things they do) and the scorn inherent in that ‘drinking tea, reading books’—the idea of girls wanting to see themselves in books. (Echoes of the way ‘Mary Sue’ is used as an insult, with a Mary Sue being a shameful thing, as if boys haven’t been seeing themselves in fiction, seeing themselves be special, forever and a day.)

Drinking tea and reading books? Serious fucking business, practically makes you an oppressed class really. Perfect white feminism.

Do you need more reasons to call Rothfuss an irredeemable shitstain? Here you go.

The effects of this pheromonal cocktail vary, but with a select section of the female populous it has two profound, complimentary effects.

1. It delivers a message directly to the woman’s hindbrain, saying: THERE IS A MAN NEARBY, AND YOU MUST MATE WITH HIM.

2. It immediately drops the woman’s intelligence anywhere from 10-50 IQ points, which makes it hard for them to realize that mating with me is *obviously* a bad idea, while at the same time rendering them more vulnerable to my not inconsiderable charm.

Is he related to R Scott Bakker or something?

Game Of Thrones: “A bad show disguised as a good one” sez someone. Probably true. I haven’t watched the thing and have no intention to, because zzzzzzzzzzz.